Cramps & water weight. No scale in my future!

Five kids with me last night & today. Hee hee

Okay, its confession time......... I found myself looking back at old xanga posts, weight losses, weight goals met....... I seriously feel myself wanting to push myself to be the weight I use to be...142... I remember though, family & friends telling me I looked emaciated at that weight, but if I dropped my weight while exercising again too... maybe I wouldn't look so sickly skinny this time?

I want to be 142 or less again soooo bad. I look at all my old cute skinny clothing, wishing I could be in them. I am currently a dress size 6 & pant size 7/8 - 9/10 depending on the brand & style. If I am that at my current weight..... could I be a dress size 4 and pant size 6ish this time? After all...it would be due to toning muscle...right? Hmmmm

Veggies are growing in the garden now. Peppers, Kohlrabi, tomatoes..... I can technically live on those, carrots, apples, & other various fruits/ veggies for a long time. I did it before when I went strict vegan. Thats how I lost the weight before. I'm so tempted to buy GNC's oxy weight-loss stuff again, then pair that up with a vegan only diet & massive amounts of water, activity, & exercise with the kids.... I think it could be doable again. I chose a profile pic of me at my old weight at 142....and it just sparked a fire under my butt. lol

Without Oxy...I could start the veggie & water thing tomorrow. I can go back to daily updates to keep myself in check. I've read old posts to see what I ate that helped with maximum losses in weight. I can sooo do this!

Here goes the gross weight stats:

Height: 5' 10"

Last HW Jan. 2012: 185

Last LW Feb. 2012: 152

CW: Unknown-Female time of the month (was 168-ish?)

GW 1: 160

GW 2: 150

GW 3: 145

GW 4: 140??? by late August??? I could totally do that! Especially if I order the oxy the first week in August. Usually there's a good price on it the first week of each month. heh heh heh

Here goes nothing! If I don't update...its likely because hubby is home...again. I WANT A MOBILE XANGA APP!!!!!!

I'm still not down to where I was before hubby left, thanks to my menstrual cycle, however, I AM almost back down. Only 1 pound to go...or was only 1. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I was drinking a dandelion root tea mixture to help get rid of excess water weight. It helped a lot. I'm down 3 pounds in three days. My cycle should be over by tomorrow too...so whatever weight is left, will be gone within a day or 2...depending on if I behave with my eating along with continuing the tea mixture.

I drank some cran-raspberry slim tea tonight. Everything should be moving along before morning. Once the food in me comes out.........my weight will again drop.

Its a waiting game I don't like to play. If I had my way, I'd already be down in the 140's again....but thanks to my cycle....that didn't happen. I WILL FIGHT to get there again though. I just have to be very careful & hide any loss below 152 with sweatshirts or something. It seems the second I drop below 153, all radars go off, and I'm being asked 100 questions!

Today my BP was pretty low too. It was about 86/65 with HR of 96-101. I felt dizzy all day. Kids were upset that I didn't feel safe enough to drive. I told them if I passed out, C has to call grandma.

Not sure why my bp was so low today. I guess I need to up my salt intake again for the next few days. I've been eating, so I know that's not the problem...AND I haven't had hypoglycemic attacks either in a while...so its simply really low bp. Hopefully I can find a way to keep it regulated so I can stop getting so dizzy where I feel I might pass out! UGH!

I'm freezing again. The house doesn't want to stay above 68 degrees though the heat is set to 72. Stupid 50+ mph winds are really kicking our butt this year.

Oh well.....guess that's it for now. My update and rant all in one. lol Time to go make more icky tea for tomorrow!

Still resisting the SCALE. I refuse to stand on it until this menstrual cycle is long over! GRRRRR.........

Not checking my weight, as it is my menstrual week. Guessing I'll start tomorrow. UGH.

Friday my sister called. At the last minute asked if I could take her 4 kids for the night and most of Saturday. I told her I would.

I had 7 kids here ages 11, 10.5, 9, 8, 6, 6, and 4. It was a very fun time. I burned the kids out for my sister. She said they were sleeping before 9 p.m. hahaha

My younger brother was also here today....so I guess I had 8 kids. He's 17....but in my mind, he'll always be a kid. I'm like a second mom to him, always have been.

My nieces and nephews were upset that they had to go home today...they were hoping to spend at least one more night here. hahaha I've not seen a child yet come here & willingly want to go home!

Maybe daycare is in my future as a possible income.......if only the ECONOMY WOULD PICK UP!!! *sigh*

Guess that's in for now. I need to figure out what I'm wearing for church tomorrow....Night!

My neck is out again. I need to get to the chiro, but money is extremely tight. I took 2 alieve, so it did dull the pain a little. Didn't stop the nausea though.The dizziness tells me the c-2 is also out in my neck. It bites donkey butt.

Weight....somehow is up again. I suppose I better lay off the junk food. Premenstrual week always wreaks havoc on my weight. Menstrual week also does the same. Guess its time for some diurex before the kids get home.

Isaac, my 6 year old, decided last night to pull a prank on me. When I went downstairs, he sneaked from his bed into mine. I went back upstairs into my room to lay down for a little bit. I casually walked to my bed, said one last "Night boys, love you!" before proceeding to lay down. I pulled the covers back a little, slipped into my cozy bed, then tugged on the covers again to straighten them. Suddenly I see a little white head of hair move. I SCREAMED louder than I think I ever have. hahahahaha That little toot got me good! We laughed at least the next 20 minutes. I had to wipe tears from my eyes. Gotta love my kids, they're always trying to find ways to make me laugh.......and this one took the cake! LOL 

It never ceases to fail. The minute hubby pulls into the driveway, I start putting on weight. LOL Its crazy!

I was up 2 lbs this morning, however, have had no BM in a couple days........so.........I drank tea to 'help' me go. TMI........I know I know........

I was at church this morning dressed in dark jeans that are slim in the hip & thigh & flare out at the bottom. With this I had a gray, black & white animal print tank, & a black satin shrug over it. I paired it all with a wide black belt around my waist, I black floral necklace, and black mary-jane style 4.5" platform style heels. Okay.......so........ I'm feeling grossly disgusting this morning because of my weight being up 2#'s and had to fetch my boys out of the playroom. One of the mothers going to get her kids stops me in the foyer & says, "OH MY GOSH! LOOK AT YOU SKINNY MINNIE! Have you LOST MORE WEIGHT?? You look so stinking skinny!!!" ME of course is thinking, "What-ever......" While hubby is standing there grinning.....as if trying to hold back a chuckle at her LOUD ENTHUSIASM. hahaha

I turned to R, whom is 2 years younger than me & a mother of 5.........yes, FIVE children....... 2 of which are FRATERNAL TWINS. The woman can't be more than a beautiful size 4 at most, and SHE is pointing out MY weight loss........ She is the INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN with a beautifully envious pair of legs might I add. LOL I'm feeling pretty crappy at this point being in the same room as her.

I finally look at hubby, who is again trying to avoid my eye contact, then I turned to look at her. I smiled politely & said, "No, actually........... I've in fact gained 2..........." in a hushed tone, hoping other women around us would stop staring at me. There was at least 6 other mothers around.......all overweight. Suddenly R says loudly, "OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I WISH I COULD GAIN 2 POUNDS AND STILL LOOK LIKE THAT!!! YOU LOOK SO STINKING SKINNY!!! HOW THE HECK CAN YOU GAIN WEIGHT AND LOOK SO THIN STILL???" I looked at hubby with a 'HELP ME!' look on my face.... He smiled, then turned his back on me. LOL

I smiled politely at her again and jokingly said, "Its the BELT honey.......its the BELT! Its wide.......put it around the small of your waist.......it only makes me appear smaller than I am....." I gave a chuckle in hopes she'd be satisfied & walk off. NOPE. She stood there & told me she also had a wide belt similar to mine, but its white, not black, so it doesn't slim her well. At this point, hubby was NO WHERE to be found. He not only turned his back, but WALKED AWAY. I told her I've not changed much weight wise, just changed the way I dress...and mentioned my clothing just 'fits' me now, where as a few weeks ago it was too big. She grinned from ear to ear looking me over again from heat to toe & commended me on my loss. *sigh* It was a little humiliating.

During church I had a few women evil eye me....... then after church had a couple men casually stroll up to me in hopes to catch my attention.......married men.......every one of them........ *sigh* I'm asking myself....... do I want this kind of attention? Funny how a few of those 'married' men didn't notice me 30+ pounds ago........now their making fools of themselves trying to get as close to me as they can for at least a short conversation. Two of the men I have tried to befriend their wives, so they casually come talk to me anyway. One had been missing since July or August, so last time he saw me, I was 180+ pounds. He kept looking at me from afar with a quizzical look on his face. I could see the gears turning as he tried to wrap is head around the mass changes I made in the time he was gone. His wife came to our house with their son, Isaac's BFF. She was friendly, but eyed me from top to bottom over and over again. I could see she was sizing me up. I fear that any CLOSE friendship there is not possible. When women do this with me...its because they fear I'm a threat to their marriage. I HATE THAT. I have this happen all the time, which is why I have more male friends than female. My closest female friends have said over and over again that I never carry myself like a person who would try taking their spouses...nor anyone else for that matter. They always mention the fact I always seem so humble around others & treat males & females the same, however, for whatever reason....... not all women want to take the time to know me. They only see the 'well dressed lass' who could potentially be a threat. I believe its their own insecurities that drive them into these evil stares.

Sorry, I began a rant..... I'm simply so fed up with being over-weight...... then I lose weight & suddenly everyone makes a big stink about it. Women glare at me with the look of death, My best friend calls me Barbie, another friends husband calls me twig, then I have R making such an embarrassing fuss about my weight, that I want to hide in a hole so NEW women won't give me the death stare. Is it too much to ask for more than 2 good female friendships in life??? I only have 2 that I can call my best friends, that are NOT part of my family. Only 2 that I can trust with almost anything, and know they won't judge me.

Okay.....SORRY, another RANT. I'll stop..........

I lost the weight I gained from hubby being home. I'm down to 152.0 now...and inly 10lbs away from my lowest weight before they were threatening hospitalization.

I'm guessing my mother and Bff will jump my case before hubby does. He doesn't seem to notice anything unless I bring it to his attention.

Oddly enough, my weight has gone down even though lately I've been eating quite a bit. I've had premenstrual munchies for this last week. I hate it. I've only allowed little bites of things here and there, then often feel full even after a few bites. Kind of strange how that works.

Going to a play tonight. My little brother is a Senior this year. Hes playing the part of Helen Keller's father. I heard from the kids its a great play. They got to see the teasers and were thrilled about it. I have the tickets ready, so we're going to do the play instead of movies tonight.

Guess that's it for now. Not too much to report.

Wedding was great. Groom was dumb-founded when he saw me...as was the bride. It was funny.

Came home, mom & bff jumped my case about my weight. Bff threatened to beat me down, mom questioned if I lost more. Dodged the question with..."Haven't checked..." Then left the room. Maybe I should hold at 150 for a week. 4.4 lb loss in almost a week is too noticable.
On my phone, sorry for errors.